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Breaking Brad: Omaha is the logical home for the Pothole Hall of Fame

Brad Dickson’s humor column, “Breaking Brad,” appears daily on Omaha.com[1] and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad[2] and follow him on Twitter.

Brad’s morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes.

* John Cleese is coming to Omaha to screen a movie. He s from Monty Python, which is a comedy troupe, sort of like the Nebraska Legislature.

* The weekend forecast calls for pleasant weather for Omaha. I believe this is the first time Omaha, pleasant, weather and weekend have appeared in the same sentence.

* Nebraska tax revenue came in $9.3 million short for May. Douglas County residents: Hey, don t look at us. We did our part.

* Friday morning, downtown Omaha was full of smoke after the city s large debris and brush pile at 11th and Locust Streets caught fire. This is where all the ideas the Omaha City Council comes up with are stored.

* There is a push to move the College Baseball Hall of Fame to Omaha. Makes sense. While we re at it, we should also have the Pothole Hall of Fame, the Scooter s Hall of Fame and the Property Tax Hall of Fame.

* Of course, the Orange Traffic Barrel Museum is already located on Dodge Street.

* The Oregon State CWS team visited the Henry Doorly Zoo. There the team finally faced some real competition when players entered the zoo s name-the-baby-sea lion contest.

* The Henry Doorly Zoo is again asking for the public s help in naming a baby animal. I hope zoo officials don t have children. My wife gave birth last night and whoever selects the name of the baby wins a free pass for one year.

* The Tour de Nebraska 200-mile bicycle ride across a portion of the state is this weekend. And even these bicyclists say to Omaha commuters, You actually drive a car? On those roads? Wow.

* There are large concrete barricades surrounding TD Ameritrade Park during the College World Series. That s obviously to stop anyone from getting a beach ball inside.

* I wouldn t say a lot of the food items sold at TD Ameritrade Park during the CWS are unhealthy, but it may be time to put up barricades between the fans and the concession.

* I saw a rundown of the College World Series concession items and I ll say this: Young people, if you have to decide between eating this stuff and smoking cigarettes, choose the latter it ll be healthier.

* Last night at TD Ameritrade Park, a quick-thinking security guard wrestled a foot-and-a-half-long mozzarella-and-pepperoni-stuffed calzone to the ground before a fan could eat it.

* I saw an online list of The 10 Most Expensive Hotels in the U.S. Surprisingly, only eight are in Omaha during the College World Series.

* In Omaha a man was arrested for allegedly stealing mail from mail boxes. What about the robbery that occurs every time someone walks into a post office now and pays $9.80 for a book of stamps?

* In Omaha there has been a rash of air conditioner thefts. Air conditioner thefts? Remember when swimming pools opening was the first sign of summer?

* Ah, summer is Omaha. When you sweat because a thief made off with your cooling unit.

* In Colorado, a large bear joined a 10-mile race. That s one way to set a world record have the runners look back and see a bear running at full speed.

References

  1. ^ Omaha.com (Omaha.com)
  2. ^ omaha.com/brad (www.omaha.com)

Omaha Baseball Village security cracks down on fake IDs

OMAHA, Neb.

If you want to enjoy an adult beverage after a College World Series game, you better have your ID. Advertisement

And it better be legitimate. Staff with First Response Security say they’ve confiscated more than 40 fake licenses from one Omaha Baseball Village entrance just in the last couple days.

“You get all these random states like New York, Alaska, Wyoming, where we don’t see those as much, so they think the chances of them getting away with it will be higher,” First Response Security officer Alex Freburg said.

Freburg, and the other officers manning the entrances to the beer garden near The Old Mattress Factory Bar & Grill, have gone through extensive training to pick out the real from the fake. Freburg says some are just plain obvious– photos that are too dark, cheap laminate that wrinkles when bent, and poor-quality plastic.

“We didn’t put much pressure on this one at all and it snapped, just like that,” Freburg said, holding up a broken ID. Security officials say another red flag that leads to catching fake IDs are recycled wrist bands, held together with tape or even gum.

Bob Batt, Chairman of the Nebraska Liquor Control Commission, says he’s grateful these officers are being so vigilant. Not all establishments are as committed to fighting underage drinking, he said.

“We could use the Mattress Factory as the gold standard, so we’re very impressed,” Batt said. Large sporting events are notorious for attracting underage crowds, Batt said. Ordering a fake license is as easy as a few clicks online.

“They come out of China,” Batt said, “you send them $150 to $200, some come out good, some are pretty bad.”

The security officers outside of the Old Mattress Factory Beer Garden say they’ll find them either way.

Vigilance is crucial for spiritual, physical safety

It was my honor to serve 20 years as a chaplain for the Nebraska Air National Guard. On-going training and education was one of the reasons I enjoyed my military service years. Military training forms each soldier to have a mindset for security of self and others. A related scripture verse from the first letter of Peter says, Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent, the devil, is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings, (1 Peter 5; 8-9). The military training for vigilance still guides me to be alert for anything suspicious: to practice precautions for personal security. My Christian faith teaches me to be vigilant to occasions of temptation into sin. There are evil spiritual forces as well as this world s terrorists or predators that I must guard against.

Here are a few related security tips on the spiritual and practical levels. Spiritual security against the evil one:

1) Pray in the name of Jesus. He will fight for you, to deliver you from the enemy.

2) Avoid conceit (pride and arrogance). Trust in God’s help.

3) Progress in the practice of chastity, purity of speech, thought and action. Personal and family security against terrorism or predators:

1) Do not draw attention to yourself in your dress, conduct or mannerisms.

2) Let people close to you know where you are going and when you ll be back.

3) Watch for anything suspicious or out of place.

Nebraskans are known as people who readily trust others. We need not surrender trust in God and others as we develop our vigilance against the evil one or anyone in this world who seeks to harm us.

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